Room to Grow…or not

I basically don’t know what in the world is wrong with me.  I thought I was okay with our family of four.  Until this week.  Maybe it’s because my ‘baby’ is almost 2?  Maybe the reality of no more kids is hitting me?  Maybe we have made a mistake?  Maybe I’m hormonal and going thru menopause?  Maybe we made the wrong choice?

All of this stupid crap is going thru my head.  I thought I always wanted 3 kids.  But we decided over a year ago we were done.  So I’ve basically been second guessing this big time for a week.  Enough to bring me to tears more than once.  I even thought about getting a puppy.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!  Do I really want something else I have to remember to feed?!

bros

How sweet are these babies walking into school?  This week they’ve been super fun and cute.  Minus their fighting bullshit, but whatever.  😛

How do you handle crazy feelings like this?  Tonight I was just in survival mode and wanted Peppa Pig to babysit them and me just be here.  I quickly decided that was not fair to them.  We got up, did some math work, did some mommy & me yoga (which turns into a giant dog pile session!) then we did some chores, watched TV and the boys went to bed.  It’s not fair for them to be sedated with TV all night just because I’m in a funk.  Being active helped all of us feel loved.

Speaking of love.  I can’t get enough of Lance being Barrett’s biggest, loudest, most excited fan ever at soccer practice this week.

LP Fan

I mean, really.  If he caught me watching him instead of Barrett on the field he would grab my entire face and turn it to watch bubba.  Freakin LOVE.  True love.  Pure, innocent, raw love.

B Science

Barrett has really been into science experiments at school!  I just don’t know anything cool to do.  I need to step up my game and earn cool mom points!  His excitement is quite precious.

I’m sure what I’m feeling is normal.  Momming isn’t easy but it’s beautiful and rewarding at the same time.  Usually.  When the kids are nice.  And not screaming at you because their cup isn’t the right color.  Or because you want to hold their hand to protect them from a car running them over.  Minor things like that.  Which should remind me why I am good with just these two!!

Love,

Ash

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